The Bench
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We’re two semi-young women (o.k., young at heart) working on screenplays, theatrical plays and books in between snacking, distracting ourselves and working regular jobs.In our 18 years of friendship, whenever we sit on a bench together anywhere in the world, we always see something unique happen.
The Two Girls on a Bench have seen a lecherous corn man in Guadalajara, Mexico, been robbed on a bench in Madrid, Spain, watched a man screaming about his eye run into the ladies bathroom at Whole Foods in Sherman Oaks, you get the idea.
We hope you can join us as we observe ourselves from the virtual bench in our minds through this blog. Maybe you’ve had writers block. Or really wanted to watch a Lifetime movie instead of writing your screenplay. If so, then this is the blog for you.
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SITS Girls
The Bench Bios
Girl One – Tricia
Tricia, aka Trish the Dish, aka Electricia, aka Tricia Militia, is a yoga doin’, weird sock wearin’, Liz Lemon lovin’ kinda gal. She paints, she writes, she cooks, she builds things, she gardens, and she knows more than the average girl about electricity. A hippy at heart, Tricia’s love of compost, broomstick skirts and musical theatre have led her to the path of first writing performance art plays and now writing screenplays. She’s married to Wiggins, a guy that has a lot of guitars hanging around his computer. Tricia is happiest watching bad TV with her 100 pound lap dog Sandy and baking pot pies from scratch. Oh yeah, and writing.
Girl Two – Siana
Siana, aka Shawna, aka Shauna, aka Chona, is a self help junkie, flat hair flunky, and cooking monkey. She has all the stuff to scrapbook but doesn’t, is obsessed about recipes and the food network and wants to grow up to be Sandra Tsing Loh. From her young feminist performance art days of hanging Barbies from the ceiling, she now just wants to sell a screenplay and learn Tricia’s pot pie recipe. Chona is married to E-Money, a guy that dances in her living room alongside their dog Angel, who also likes to dance. Siana is happiest drinking too much wine and re-watching scenes from Shaun of the Dead or Pretty in Pink over and over again. Oh yeah, and writing.
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Your mom walks into a bar...
We don't have a joke to go with the title of this blog, but figured if we called this "Mother's Day blog" it would be boring and nobody would read it.
TRICIA
One day my kid is going to tell this joke.
SIANA
Yeah, and I'll give her the punchline: Your mom walked into
TRICIA
Now how did you just think of that but we can't figure out a
logline for the movie we've been writing for like 70 years?
SIANA
Let's just make a list of our favorite movie moms, we need
TRICIA
One day my kid is going to tell this joke.
SIANA
Yeah, and I'll give her the punchline: Your mom walked into
a bar and got in a fight with the bouncer.
TRICIA
That was you!
SIANA
Oh yeah, you'll have to tell it to my kids when I bring them
home. And they're older and understand.
Aside: Siana is now in the process of working on international adoption. The crowd goes wild! More on this later, it's going to take a long time so we have lots of time to talk about it.
TRICIA
Maybe we can write a movie about you traveling and picking
TRICIA
That was you!
SIANA
Oh yeah, you'll have to tell it to my kids when I bring them
home. And they're older and understand.
Aside: Siana is now in the process of working on international adoption. The crowd goes wild! More on this later, it's going to take a long time so we have lots of time to talk about it.
TRICIA
Maybe we can write a movie about you traveling and picking
up your kids and it will be called "Not without my
laptop" or "Not without my iPad"
SIANA
Yeah, that's a real tear jerker, here's the logline: The
SIANA
Yeah, that's a real tear jerker, here's the logline: The
day Siana lost Wifi and her battery died, is the day she
almost lost it all."
TRICIA
Now how did you just think of that but we can't figure out a
logline for the movie we've been writing for like 70 years?
SIANA
Let's just make a list of our favorite movie moms, we need
to focus!
Bench Favorite Movie Moms
And finally, our favorite moms of all time, our moms!
Vi (aka Siana's mom) - badass, used to drink men under the table in German bars (not kidding), she is the MacGyver of the kitchen, inspired the phrase "Getting Valencia on them" which was coined by Siana, (which basically means getting things done and not getting screwed over, Valencia is her maiden name) and is the nicest, most chill mom with pretty much the best sense of humor around. She's the best.
Sue (aka Tricia's mom) - can make a craft out of anything, inspired the phrase "Done!" (by both Tricia and Siana) because she always has a solution on how to get something done with shortcuts built in, amazing baker, nicest gal you'll seriously ever meet (we're not exaggerating) and most inspirational. She's the best.
Happy Mother's Day to all!
Bench Favorite Movie Moms
- Shaun's mom in Shaun of the Dead - she calls her son "Pickle" and when the zombies start taking over the world she says "I'll make some sandwiches"
- Mr. Mom - okay the mom is a dad, but it was a step forward for dad's staying home and the mom going to work. Although when the mom goes to work she's only successful (we discover) because her jerk boss wants to sleep with her. So maybe it's a step back for women and goes no where? But the scenes with Michael Keaton are funny - come on, ironing board grilled cheese? Classic.
- Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment - A tear jerker, awesome, funny while sad at the same time, godammit that movie is sad. But so good.
- Shirley MacLaine in Postcards from the Edge - Yes, Shirley gets mentioned twice, but dammit if she does't play a good mom! Best moment in this movie, when she sings "I'm still here"
- While You Were Sleeping - the coma guy's mom (we can't remember the character's name and are too lazy to look it up) - She is endearing and keeps saying "these potatoes are so creamy" at xmas dinner. And even though she just met Lucy (Sandra Bullock's character) she already has a stocking for her on the mantle. That's a nice mom. And Lucy isn't even her future daughter in law. Of course she doesn't know that yet.
TRICIA
If you don't remember that part, I can recite the whole
If you don't remember that part, I can recite the whole
movie for you from the beginning. Because, you know, I know
it...
SIANA I know, let's not get stuck in this movie we'll never get
out!
Vi (aka Siana's mom) - badass, used to drink men under the table in German bars (not kidding), she is the MacGyver of the kitchen, inspired the phrase "Getting Valencia on them" which was coined by Siana, (which basically means getting things done and not getting screwed over, Valencia is her maiden name) and is the nicest, most chill mom with pretty much the best sense of humor around. She's the best.
Sue (aka Tricia's mom) - can make a craft out of anything, inspired the phrase "Done!" (by both Tricia and Siana) because she always has a solution on how to get something done with shortcuts built in, amazing baker, nicest gal you'll seriously ever meet (we're not exaggerating) and most inspirational. She's the best.
Happy Mother's Day to all!
Bench on a Walk #MSWalk #TeamAndrea
We did it! We completed the MS Walk and raised some cash! Thank you to everyone that supported us via Twitter, our friends and family, and friends and colleagues of Edgar Aguirre - thanks to you the Bench raised $1158.33 and Team Andrea raised a total of $15,068.33. Doesn't that number just make you want to donate an even amount to make it a round number? Like $31.67 to make it $15,100 or $431.67 to make it an even $15,500?
SIANA
I hate numbers that aren't even, I hate it when something
SIANA
I hate numbers that aren't even, I hate it when something
costs like $7.93, what is that? Like what am I supposed
to do with 7 cents?
TRICIA
Yeah, it would be cool if someone donated $431.67. That
TRICIA
Yeah, it would be cool if someone donated $431.67. That
would make me happy.
The MS Walk was great. First it was a beautiful day in San Diego, but it seems all days in San Diego are beautiful, so maybe that wasn't a big deal, but it was for us. We made signs to get people tweeting and it also helped us find our group when we got lost!
TRICIA
The signs kinda got heavy after a while, so we pawned them
The MS Walk was great. First it was a beautiful day in San Diego, but it seems all days in San Diego are beautiful, so maybe that wasn't a big deal, but it was for us. We made signs to get people tweeting and it also helped us find our group when we got lost!
TRICIA
The signs kinda got heavy after a while, so we pawned them
off on other people. Some of them were very small people.
We got to hang out with the one and only Andrea, yes, the famed Andrea of Team Andrea, hold your applause for the end.
She's the coolest and had one of the biggest teams of walkers which was awesome. And she gave us orange sunglasses which in turn made us cool. Well sort of.
Sure, Siana kinda looks like the old lady from the greeting cards. You know the grouchy one that says funny things?
TRICIA
I love her! And you do look like her. Why did these hats
We got to hang out with the one and only Andrea, yes, the famed Andrea of Team Andrea, hold your applause for the end.
She's the coolest and had one of the biggest teams of walkers which was awesome. And she gave us orange sunglasses which in turn made us cool. Well sort of.
Sure, Siana kinda looks like the old lady from the greeting cards. You know the grouchy one that says funny things?
TRICIA
I love her! And you do look like her. Why did these hats
look cooler before we put them on?
SIANA
I don't know, but they kept us from getting sunburned and
SIANA
I don't know, but they kept us from getting sunburned and
then I didn't have to fix my hair. Bonus.
All in all it was a swell day. We got to see our book club gang, which was great too. We didn't talk about books on the walk, but we often don't talk about books at book club, so it was kind of the same vibe.
At one point we turned Tricia's stroller into a Snackmobile to carry the always needed items from our Snackbook.
And of course, we found a bench to relax on when we needed a break.
If you want to support the MS Walk and Team Andrea it's not too late. Especially if you want to close the gap on that pesky un-even number. Click here and donate today!
Thank you all for your support! #benchgratitude
All in all it was a swell day. We got to see our book club gang, which was great too. We didn't talk about books on the walk, but we often don't talk about books at book club, so it was kind of the same vibe.
At one point we turned Tricia's stroller into a Snackmobile to carry the always needed items from our Snackbook.
And of course, we found a bench to relax on when we needed a break.
If you want to support the MS Walk and Team Andrea it's not too late. Especially if you want to close the gap on that pesky un-even number. Click here and donate today!
Thank you all for your support! #benchgratitude
Chocolate Chicken
Yeah, we know, we haven't blogged in a while. Not because we don't want to, but because our lives got all crazy busy. Here's what happened:
Siana's bathroom needed renovating because it sucked. Siana's spouse and Tricia's spouse did most of the work, but Siana likes to complain about it the most.
SIANA
It's true, I'm really good at complaining, ask anyone.
TRICIA
You're a pro.
Here's a pic of Siana's finished bathroom, we replaced the floor, the sink and vanity and painted. This is Siana's rendition of Las Meninas in the bathroom, notice the royal couple in the mirror...
In the middle of all this, Tricia was heavily involved in her sister's wedding which involved finding a bridesmaid dress, traveling with her daughter the flower girl to Seattle and other wedding stuff. Congrats to Tricia's sister Amy!
Here is Tricia at the wedding making a surprised face with her daughter Leesey, whom we often call Baby Witch, Baby Bunny and other seasonal nicknames that will make her super annoyed with us when she's 16. 
TRICIA
Get to the chocolate chicken!
SIANA
Oh yeah, got sidetracked with all our busyness.
In the midst of all of this we decided to make Easter Chocolates, on Easter, we're just late sharing this story because of all the other stuff. We decided it's easy to use molds to make chocolate and we're going to do it all the time now for every holiday and season. Because we like to get all crazy ambitious about stuff. This was our first batch, which required wine, and also the ability to laugh at how some of them turned out kind of, well, psychadelic. 
Best of all was the chocolate chicken. 
And that is the tale of the chocolate chicken.
TRICIA
God, took us forever to get to the point of that story.
SIANA
Yeah, that's what's wrong with our screenplay too.
If you sponsor us for the MS Walk we will send you a picture of this chocolate chicken. We know you want it... but seriously, donate today!
Have blog will travel
Tricia has to travel with work sometimes and then we can't meet. Because she's in another time zone and Siana has to go to bed at 10pm. So we have to chat online. And we really like to use all the emoticons. A lot.
Tricia: But that doesn't make sense because I'm usually ahead 2-3 hours.
Siana: Whatever it's hard and we can't do it.
I don't want to figure out how many hours and what time it is.
Tricia: It's like when we were traveling in Spain and we couldn't figure out military time and missed our train because we added wrong.
typing......
Siana: And then we had to sit upright over night in a bad seat. And we also had to get drunk in the train station on cans of rum and coke from a vending machine.
Tricia: I wish the vending machines at my work sold rum and coke.
We're kind of glad the internet didn't really exist back when we were young and adventurous because it would all just be crazy blackmail now. That was back when you had to buy film for a camera, so you conserved how many pictures you took. If we took that trip now, we'd have 8,000 pictures on our phones that we'd be tweeting and Facebooking and everyone would know we were drunk messes in a train station. And bad at math.
Siana: What were we supposed to be working on ? ?
Tricia: Our script.
Or whatever.
Siana: I'm trying to find a good granola recipe.
Tricia: Stop f*&%ng around.
typing....
Tricia: Hold on I just found one. It has cinnamon and flax seeds.
Siana: Send it to me.
Tricia: Ok I have to go now because it's late here and I have to go to bed.
Siana: It's like 1am there.
Tricia: No, it's only 10 you dork.
Siana: Whatever, that's still late.
Tricia: Good night chicken.
Siana: Good night monkey butt.
Tricia: That's an alien.
Siana: I know but they don't have a picture of a monkey butt. Go to bed... alien butt.
You know what is awesome? The MS Walk and your support would be even more awesome! Click here and join The Bench!
Tricia: But that doesn't make sense because I'm usually ahead 2-3 hours.
Siana: Whatever it's hard and we can't do it.
I don't want to figure out how many hours and what time it is. Tricia: It's like when we were traveling in Spain and we couldn't figure out military time and missed our train because we added wrong.
typing......
Siana: And then we had to sit upright over night in a bad seat. And we also had to get drunk in the train station on cans of rum and coke from a vending machine.
Tricia: I wish the vending machines at my work sold rum and coke.
We're kind of glad the internet didn't really exist back when we were young and adventurous because it would all just be crazy blackmail now. That was back when you had to buy film for a camera, so you conserved how many pictures you took. If we took that trip now, we'd have 8,000 pictures on our phones that we'd be tweeting and Facebooking and everyone would know we were drunk messes in a train station. And bad at math.
Siana: What were we supposed to be working on ? ?
Tricia: Our script.
Or whatever. Siana: I'm trying to find a good granola recipe.
Tricia: Stop f*&%ng around.
typing....
Tricia: Hold on I just found one. It has cinnamon and flax seeds.
Siana: Send it to me.
Tricia: Ok I have to go now because it's late here and I have to go to bed.
Siana: It's like 1am there.
Tricia: No, it's only 10 you dork.
Siana: Whatever, that's still late.
Tricia: Good night chicken.
Siana: Good night monkey butt.
Tricia: That's an alien.
Siana: I know but they don't have a picture of a monkey butt. Go to bed... alien butt.
You know what is awesome? The MS Walk and your support would be even more awesome! Click here and join The Bench!
Shopping & Snacks
We're going to do one of our new year's resolutions (now that it's March) and hang out together like normal people and go shopping.
TRICIA
That makes me tired.
SIANA
We haven't even started yet!
We've never been really normal girls. Like we don't know how to shop, we just get bored and make fun of the clothes. And the people. And then we hang out in the food court.
We start out early, so we just start in the food court and grab breakfast. The guy taking our order is less than amused with us.
TRICIA
That's because you pulled a total When
SIANA
Only if it's heated in the toaster oven and
TRICIA
Like I said, you pulled a Sally.
SIANA
Well I like what I like.
TRICIA
Exactly.
While we eat our bagel and pepperjack croissant, we talk about how we never remember shopping when we were younger. We try to remember how we got clothes when we were in college.
TRICIA
I think I wore red plaid pajama pants for
SIANA
I do not remember shopping ever in
TRICIA
Sometimes I would take clothes from the
SIANA
I feel like we just borrowed clothes from
TRICIA
I loved those pants I used to wear them
TRICIA
That makes me tired.
SIANA
We haven't even started yet!
We've never been really normal girls. Like we don't know how to shop, we just get bored and make fun of the clothes. And the people. And then we hang out in the food court.
We start out early, so we just start in the food court and grab breakfast. The guy taking our order is less than amused with us.
TRICIA
That's because you pulled a total When
Harry Met Sally.
SIANA
What do you mean?
TRICIA
You ordered the croissant and when he
SIANA
What do you mean?
TRICIA
You ordered the croissant and when he
asked you if you wanted it heated you
said...
SIANA
Only if it's heated in the toaster oven and
then he said microwave and I said
nevermind just give it to my straight.
But then I got it and it was cold and I
gave it back to him and asked him to heat
it up.
TRICIA
Like I said, you pulled a Sally.
SIANA
Well I like what I like.
TRICIA
Exactly.
While we eat our bagel and pepperjack croissant, we talk about how we never remember shopping when we were younger. We try to remember how we got clothes when we were in college.
TRICIA
I think I wore red plaid pajama pants for
an entire semester. So there's my junior
year.
SIANA
I do not remember shopping ever in
college, except maybe in a thrift store.
TRICIA
Sometimes I would take clothes from the
costume shop and just forget to return
them.
SIANA
I feel like we just borrowed clothes from
people and just kept them. Like remember
those black baggy pants I used to wear? I
borrowed them from your summer roommate
and never gave them back.
TRICIA
I loved those pants I used to wear them
too.
It helped that we were roommates and borrowed each others clothes, it doubled our wardrobe. We wore a lot of cut off jeans and broomstick skirts that we think we bought from random vendors on the sidewalk in Venice.
But now we're grown ups and have jobs, so we have to wear clothes from the mall. With that task in mind we quickly wolf down the rest of our breakfast. Tricia starts scraping the cream cheese off the bagel with the croissant.
SIANA
That's just extra cheese on top of the
It helped that we were roommates and borrowed each others clothes, it doubled our wardrobe. We wore a lot of cut off jeans and broomstick skirts that we think we bought from random vendors on the sidewalk in Venice.
But now we're grown ups and have jobs, so we have to wear clothes from the mall. With that task in mind we quickly wolf down the rest of our breakfast. Tricia starts scraping the cream cheese off the bagel with the croissant.
SIANA
That's just extra cheese on top of the
cheese croissant.
TRICIA
It's good for me.
After a few hours of shopping, we find a few good outfits for Tricia's upcoming work trip. As an afterthought, she realizes she needs tights. The tights and pantyhose section is confusing and overwhelming. We are intrigued by the hose that have spanx built into them.
SIANA
You need to love your assets.
TRICIA
It's good for me.
After a few hours of shopping, we find a few good outfits for Tricia's upcoming work trip. As an afterthought, she realizes she needs tights. The tights and pantyhose section is confusing and overwhelming. We are intrigued by the hose that have spanx built into them.
SIANA
You need to love your assets.
Get the ass shapers.
TRICIA
Yeah, grab the ones that help my ass.
We say ass as many ways as possible in the next five minutes. Beevis and Butthead would be proud. We then get caught up with all the little half sock things that are supposed to go in your pumps, heels or whatever, we aren't sure they're shaped weird.
TRICIA
These go on my toes, they are toe
TRICIA
Yeah, grab the ones that help my ass.
We say ass as many ways as possible in the next five minutes. Beevis and Butthead would be proud. We then get caught up with all the little half sock things that are supposed to go in your pumps, heels or whatever, we aren't sure they're shaped weird.
TRICIA
These go on my toes, they are toe
toppers. I want to just keep saying toe
topper for the rest of the day.
Things that Blow
Sometimes life is hard. And things blow. So we're making a list of things that blow.
Things that blow:
1. Standing in line for a blood test at 8am on Saturday.
SIANA
I recently had to stand in line
Things that blow:
1. Standing in line for a blood test at 8am on Saturday.
SIANA
I recently had to stand in line
for an hour and a half to get my
blood drawn. And I couldn't have
coffee. And it was Saturday morning.
TRICIA
That blows.
2. Traffic. All the time. For what appears to be no reason.
TRICIA
I think that's why people hate
TRICIA
That blows.
2. Traffic. All the time. For what appears to be no reason.
TRICIA
I think that's why people hate
California.
SIANA
I thought it was because of all
SIANA
I thought it was because of all
the celebrities. And because
we're all beautiful here.
3. Health surveys that make you feel bad about yourself.
TRICIA
I did a health survey and it bitch
3. Health surveys that make you feel bad about yourself.
TRICIA
I did a health survey and it bitch
slapped me, here's how it went:
Tricia typing answers to questions about her health and how she spends her time. Think of the Health Survey voice as the computer voice in a Matthew Broderick 80's movie.
HEALTH SURVEY
How much time do you spend at home
Tricia typing answers to questions about her health and how she spends her time. Think of the Health Survey voice as the computer voice in a Matthew Broderick 80's movie.
HEALTH SURVEY
How much time do you spend at home
on the computer and watching TV each day?
TRICIA
2 hours
HEALTH SURVEY
What's the biggest reason you
TRICIA
2 hours
HEALTH SURVEY
What's the biggest reason you
fail to exercise daily.
TRICIA
Not enough time.
HEALTH SURVEY
We are confused. You say you watch
TRICIA
Not enough time.
HEALTH SURVEY
We are confused. You say you watch
tv for two hours each day, but yet
you don't have time to exercise?
Should you re-focus your priorities?
TRICIA
You're a bitch and I hate you.
Back to our list. The last thing that blows is:
4. Global Warming
TRICIA
It shouldn't be so warm in February,
TRICIA
You're a bitch and I hate you.
Back to our list. The last thing that blows is:
4. Global Warming
TRICIA
It shouldn't be so warm in February,
can't we have more cool weather for
a while?
SIANA
No, I hate cold weather, that's why
SIANA
No, I hate cold weather, that's why
I had to get the blood test because
I'm cold all the time. I was thinking
more of those polar bears not having
enough snow to walk on, like in that
Al Gore movie.
TRICIA
I thought the polar bears just wanted
TRICIA
I thought the polar bears just wanted
a Coke, like in the Super Bowl commercial.
Well, now that we've figured out what blows, we can move on.
Something that doesn't blow is the MS Walk. The MS Walk is awesome. Please support The Bench and donate today!
Well, now that we've figured out what blows, we can move on.
Something that doesn't blow is the MS Walk. The MS Walk is awesome. Please support The Bench and donate today!
Fixing Vincent
Vincent is one of the main characters in our movie and he's always been a little off. First he was French and said rude things to our main character. That didn't really work. So now he's American and he tap dances. And we love him more, but still not quite enough.
TRICIA
Before he was too fucked up but now he's
TRICIA
Shut your mouth!
We then spend time talking about all the TV shows we like. Then we get back to the script, for a minute.
SIANA
Vincent needs to be more messed up in this
TRICIA
Before he was too fucked up but now he's
too perfect.
SIANA
We need to mess him up, just a little bit.
So we're fixing Vincent today. It's all about Vincent. All day.
We make a list of how to make Vincent's life worse to generate more compassion from the audience. We get back to basics with marker wands.
TRICIA
Let's make his family a mess, so he has to
SIANA
We need to mess him up, just a little bit.
So we're fixing Vincent today. It's all about Vincent. All day.
We make a list of how to make Vincent's life worse to generate more compassion from the audience. We get back to basics with marker wands.
TRICIA
Let's make his family a mess, so he has to
help them and by default he'll be a little
bit more of a mess too.
SIANA
The trickle down theory, I like it.
We try and figure it out and get side-tracked talking about how Tricia recently changed cable systems and had to write down all the shows she needed to DVR.
TRICIA
It took me an hour, but it was really
SIANA
The trickle down theory, I like it.
We try and figure it out and get side-tracked talking about how Tricia recently changed cable systems and had to write down all the shows she needed to DVR.
TRICIA
It took me an hour, but it was really
important.
SIANA
Yeah, like what if you missed an episode
SIANA
Yeah, like what if you missed an episode
of 30 Rock?
TRICIA
Shut your mouth!
We then spend time talking about all the TV shows we like. Then we get back to the script, for a minute.
SIANA
Vincent needs to be more messed up in this
scene.
TRICIA
Maybe have him fall down or something?
SIANA
What is this an episode of Three's Company?
Then we talk about how genius Three's Company was. And how Siana saw John Ritter's son at Bed, Bath and Beyond. And some lady kept asking him about the show he was on that got cancelled. And he was really nice about it. Even though he was just trying to buy like his bed, bath or beyond stuff. Siana wasn't really paying attention to what was in his basket.
TRICIA
What was that show called? The 4400?
SIANA
No, it was the one where the plane
TRICIA
Maybe have him fall down or something?
SIANA
What is this an episode of Three's Company?
Then we talk about how genius Three's Company was. And how Siana saw John Ritter's son at Bed, Bath and Beyond. And some lady kept asking him about the show he was on that got cancelled. And he was really nice about it. Even though he was just trying to buy like his bed, bath or beyond stuff. Siana wasn't really paying attention to what was in his basket.
TRICIA
What was that show called? The 4400?
SIANA
No, it was the one where the plane
disappeared and then like there was a
president and then aliens came.
TRICIA
And then they made a deal with the aliens.
SIANA
The Event!
So now it's time for Tricia to go home and we've made little progress. But at least we started to work on Vincent. He's almost fixed. Sort of.
On another note, if you haven't supported the Bench on our quest to raise funds for the MS Walk, it's not too late, click here!
TRICIA
And then they made a deal with the aliens.
SIANA
The Event!
So now it's time for Tricia to go home and we've made little progress. But at least we started to work on Vincent. He's almost fixed. Sort of.
On another note, if you haven't supported the Bench on our quest to raise funds for the MS Walk, it's not too late, click here!
Queen of Frump
Tricia walks into a bar. Oh wait, or Siana's house. Holding a bottle of champagne.
TRICIA
Guess what? I put this ponytail in
TRICIA
Guess what? I put this ponytail in
my hair without looking in the mirror.
SIANA
Oh yeah, I totally can't even tell...
It's Thursday, whatever. We work and stuff. There's leftover champagne from Valentine's Day and a surplus of dark chocolate hearts from Trader Joes. And some movie theater popcorn and some other food we decided to eat, kinda healthy to offset the champagne and chocolate.
Asparagus, kale and spinach dip, egg whites.
We size each other up, and realize we're wearing old sweat-type-pants, oversized sweatshirts with stains down the front and slippers/unidentifiable shoes with mismatched socks. We realize, at that moment, we are the Queens of Frump.
SIANA
Or queen of frump, singular?
TRICIA
We do share one brain.
But now, down to the business at hand. Siana's spouse asked "what's up with the script" and other detailed questions that made us want to stuff popcorn in his mouth and tell him to go outside.
So now we have to work on it because somebody brought it up. We need to fix it. Why does this feel like a re-run?
TRICIA
We need more time!
SIANA
We need more popcorn!
We're actually going to work on our script now, so goodbye blog, hello re-write hell! Again. Damn, the champagne is gone. Again.
SIANA
Oh yeah, I totally can't even tell...
It's Thursday, whatever. We work and stuff. There's leftover champagne from Valentine's Day and a surplus of dark chocolate hearts from Trader Joes. And some movie theater popcorn and some other food we decided to eat, kinda healthy to offset the champagne and chocolate.
Asparagus, kale and spinach dip, egg whites.
We size each other up, and realize we're wearing old sweat-type-pants, oversized sweatshirts with stains down the front and slippers/unidentifiable shoes with mismatched socks. We realize, at that moment, we are the Queens of Frump.
SIANA
Or queen of frump, singular?
TRICIA
We do share one brain.
But now, down to the business at hand. Siana's spouse asked "what's up with the script" and other detailed questions that made us want to stuff popcorn in his mouth and tell him to go outside.
So now we have to work on it because somebody brought it up. We need to fix it. Why does this feel like a re-run?
TRICIA
We need more time!
SIANA
We need more popcorn!
We're actually going to work on our script now, so goodbye blog, hello re-write hell! Again. Damn, the champagne is gone. Again.
And if you haven't heard, we are walking for MS on April 28 and could use some support - please donate your spare change to the bench! #MSWalkontheBench #TeamAndrea
Our chi is blocked
This blog was written on an iPhone 4s.
TRICIA
Wow that didn't take long what did
TRICIA
Wow that didn't take long what did
you type?
SIANA
That's all. I'm slow and it keeps
See blog where we decide which men would play us
See blog where we decide which women would play us.
TRICIA
I think we should send Tina Fey an email
SIANA
Yeah, and I'm sure she'll answer us
TRICIA
I don't really think of us as fledgling.
SIANA
Me neither, but I couldn't think of
TRICIA
How's that working?
SIANA
Shut up asshole.
We get bored with this topic and decide we should just finish our script before we get ahead of ourselves and email Tina Fey.
Also Tricia was wearing these socks under her jeans, and that's just one of the reasons why we're friends...
In other news, if you haven't heard about us doing the MS Walk, check out this link and find out why we're walking and how you can help! Seriously people, DONATE!!
SIANA
That's all. I'm slow and it keeps
autocorrecting.
We're driving back from visiting our friends (shout out to the book club you know who you are) and only have an iPhone to write with. Because we are creative writers we are "making it work." Shout out to Tim Gunn, you know who you are...
We need a boost of some sort. The iced mocha coffee we got at 7-11 this morning didn't really work. It tasted more like chocolate milk, which was good, but not caffeinated enough to get us through the day. Even though the sign says "always fresh," it just didn't work.
SIANA
We should have bought the sausage muffin.
TRICIA
Or the donuts. Especially since both had over sized photos.
What we really need is to get inspired because Siana's chi is blocked or something cuz she's always cold.
TRICIA
Your cheese?
SIANA
No chi dummy like my chi is not in
We're driving back from visiting our friends (shout out to the book club you know who you are) and only have an iPhone to write with. Because we are creative writers we are "making it work." Shout out to Tim Gunn, you know who you are...
We need a boost of some sort. The iced mocha coffee we got at 7-11 this morning didn't really work. It tasted more like chocolate milk, which was good, but not caffeinated enough to get us through the day. Even though the sign says "always fresh," it just didn't work.
SIANA
We should have bought the sausage muffin.
TRICIA
Or the donuts. Especially since both had over sized photos.
What we really need is to get inspired because Siana's chi is blocked or something cuz she's always cold.
TRICIA
Your cheese?
SIANA
No chi dummy like my chi is not in
alignment or whatever.
It must also be blocked or broken chi that is keeping us from finishing our script. But after being in the car for a while we start talking about our next project which is either a children's play or a sitcom about us. We're leaning toward the sitcom so we don't have to sew costumes or paint scenery.
TRICIA
Who would play me?
SIANA
No we're not going down this road again,
It must also be blocked or broken chi that is keeping us from finishing our script. But after being in the car for a while we start talking about our next project which is either a children's play or a sitcom about us. We're leaning toward the sitcom so we don't have to sew costumes or paint scenery.
TRICIA
Who would play me?
SIANA
No we're not going down this road again,
we already did that in another blog.
See blog where we decide which men would play us
See blog where we decide which women would play us.
TRICIA
I think we should send Tina Fey an email
and ask her how she got her TV show off
the ground.
SIANA
Yeah, and I'm sure she'll answer us
because she's not busy and has nothing
better to do than give fledgling writers
advice.
TRICIA
I don't really think of us as fledgling.
SIANA
Me neither, but I couldn't think of
another word, I'm trying to use all my
vocabulary so I don't swear as much.
TRICIA
How's that working?
SIANA
Shut up asshole.
We get bored with this topic and decide we should just finish our script before we get ahead of ourselves and email Tina Fey.
Also Tricia was wearing these socks under her jeans, and that's just one of the reasons why we're friends...
In other news, if you haven't heard about us doing the MS Walk, check out this link and find out why we're walking and how you can help! Seriously people, DONATE!!
Team Andrea!
The Bench is starting on a quest to raise funds for the MS Walk, and we want to take our readers on that journey with us. But to start our journey, we first have to tell you about our friend Andrea. When we first met Andrea several years ago, she was dressed like Jane Goodall.
Let us explain.
We were at a party for someone's birthday and it was a costume party and for the first time in our lives we were not dressed up.
TRICIA
But we had many plans, bad plans.
SIANA
Yeah and halfway through the party we were
People were dressed up in fake cute costumes like, "I'm Ana Kournikova and I'm wearing a short skirt and hooked a tennis ball key chain to my waist. I'm so cute and costumed."
TRICIA
I hate that. That's not a real costume, I
Let us explain.
We were at a party for someone's birthday and it was a costume party and for the first time in our lives we were not dressed up.
TRICIA
But we had many plans, bad plans.
SIANA
Yeah and halfway through the party we were
like "thank god we didn't dress up" because
we would have gone way off the deep end.
It would have definitely been a Mean Girls
kind of situation.
People were dressed up in fake cute costumes like, "I'm Ana Kournikova and I'm wearing a short skirt and hooked a tennis ball key chain to my waist. I'm so cute and costumed."
TRICIA
I hate that. That's not a real costume, I
was going to come dressed as Charlotte's
Web.
SIANA
Which part? Which character?
TRICIA
The whole thing!
So we dodged that bullet. But somehow we encountered some delightful friends in modest, yet clever costumes, and that's how we met Andrea.
She was wearing a t-shirt, khakis and had a stuffed monkey around her neck. We said, "who are you?" And she said "Jane Goodall, duh." We knew right then, she was good people.
So technically we've been Team Andrea for a while, but now it's really kicking into gear. Andrea recently found out she has MS and she really has the best attitude about it. All her friends and family want to do something, so we're doing the MS Walk. And that means $$ people, so anty up. Go to our page and donate and tell your friends to as well.
MS Walk on The Bench
#MSWalkontheBench (for those hash tag folks...)
TRICIA
If every single person that follows us on
SIANA
Which part? Which character?
TRICIA
The whole thing!
So we dodged that bullet. But somehow we encountered some delightful friends in modest, yet clever costumes, and that's how we met Andrea.
She was wearing a t-shirt, khakis and had a stuffed monkey around her neck. We said, "who are you?" And she said "Jane Goodall, duh." We knew right then, she was good people.
So technically we've been Team Andrea for a while, but now it's really kicking into gear. Andrea recently found out she has MS and she really has the best attitude about it. All her friends and family want to do something, so we're doing the MS Walk. And that means $$ people, so anty up. Go to our page and donate and tell your friends to as well.
MS Walk on The Bench
#MSWalkontheBench (for those hash tag folks...)
TRICIA
If every single person that follows us on
Twitter gave $1 we'd raise $11,000.
SIANA
And if every one gave us $5, we'd have...
SIANA
And if every one gave us $5, we'd have...
wait, where's my calculator?
Anyway, it all counts, it all helps. So do it. You know you want to. Join The Bench.
Visit our page and join us!
Anyway, it all counts, it all helps. So do it. You know you want to. Join The Bench.
Visit our page and join us!
