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Photobucket2GIRLSONABENCH.COM - JOIN THE DISTRACTION SWEEPING THE NATION, OR AT LEAST THE VALLEY... We’re two semi-young women (o.k., young at heart) working on screenplays, theatrical plays and books in between snacking, distracting ourselves and working regular jobs.

In our 18 years of friendship, whenever we sit on a bench together anywhere in the world, we always see something unique happen.

The Two Girls on a Bench have seen a lecherous corn man in Guadalajara, Mexico, been robbed on a bench in Madrid, Spain, watched a man screaming about his eye run into the ladies bathroom at Whole Foods in Sherman Oaks, you get the idea.

We hope you can join us as we observe ourselves from the virtual bench in our minds through this blog. Maybe you’ve had writers block. Or really wanted to watch a Lifetime movie instead of writing your screenplay. If so, then this is the blog for you.

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Tag Cloud

Bench Entries

  1. Birthday Finale – Bench Bucket Hit List
    Monday, December 23, 2013
  2. Golf, Play-dough and TP - Bench Bucket Hit List
    Sunday, December 08, 2013
  3. Buckets and Bullets - Bench Bucket Hit List
    Sunday, December 01, 2013
  4. A Chef and Some Cheese - Bench Bucket Hit List
    Sunday, November 24, 2013
  5. Corn Maze - Bench Bucket Hit List
    Sunday, November 17, 2013
  6. Bench Bucket Hit List
    Sunday, October 27, 2013
  7. We did it and thanks!
    Monday, April 29, 2013
  8. MS Walk - The Sequel
    Wednesday, April 17, 2013
  9. Sometimes My Bad Idea Gives You a Good Idea
    Sunday, March 10, 2013
  10. Secret Language on the Bench
    Monday, March 04, 2013

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Birthday Finale – Bench Bucket Hit List

We did it, we finished our Bench Bucket Hit List!  The finale of all finales included keeping our original goal of bowling, doing karaoke and adding a fancy dinner.



I had lobster and crab, because I 

deserved it.



You did, and I deserved just lobster.  

And we both deserved champagne.


Here we are toasting with our spouses.


Lobster delight



The guy singing live in the restaurant sang Happy Birthday to Tricia.  Tricia gave him a thumbs up, not realizing he was blind, but it was the thought that counted, right?

Tricia got one candle which was cool because 40 would have been overkill.


And we got artsy with the mirror because why not?  How the hell can you not get obsessed with a mirror when it’s right there?


Then we were off to a place in Altadena that had both karaoke and bowling in one location. Check out the glowing lanes and orange balls.




We were dressed up too much for bowling, 

however the bowling shoes did go well with 

our skirts.



We sucked at bowling.



Yeah, but we gave it the old college try.



Good thing we were better at college.


Then came the karaoke.  And we had to have a few drinks to work ourselves up to it. We waited forever.  Or what felt like forever.  The song we thought we could sing was not available. 


We instead went with our favorite montage 

song, Turn the Beat Around.


After hours of watching young hipsters that were all apparently in some sort of Glee spinoff, we got slightly more nervous, and slightly more drunk.



We got to use the flask you gave me, good gift.



I thought we might need it.


When our time finally came, which almost didn’t, around 1am after tipping the karaoke chick, we jumped up onstage. They put our name on a screen which made us feel important.

Terror and a strange ability to perform combined and this happened.



You danced around a lot.



I did that to distract from my singing. 

I was counting on you to sing.



The worst part of the song was when it got 

really fast and we just stood there staring 

at the screen, not singing.



Damn Gloria Estefan really sped that song 

up.  We just kept saying “yeah, yeah, yeah” 

when we didn’t know what to do. 



And you were pointing at one point



I was trying to get the Glee spinoff group 

involved, at one point they looked 

interested in our raw talent.



But then they weren’t. And then we were done.



What a relief.



I’m so glad we did it.



Me too.


Happy Birthday to us.  Now Tricia is 40 and Siana will be soon.



Oh you just had to point that out again.



I can’t help it!  It’s not my birthday yet!


Onward into a new year.  We’re 40 now.  Everything is changed.  Well not really, but at least we finished our Bench Bucket Hit List!


Happy Holidays to all!

Golf, Play-dough and TP - Bench Bucket Hit List

We're living out all our dreams, and that means playing mini golf, making playdough and TP'ing a house.  No, we're not 8, we're almost 40.

First, we went mini-golfing.

We took the family, our spouses and toddler Leesey.
Leesey showed us a short cut to golfing which was cool and made the game easier.

We couldn't find a bench, so we decided to be 2 girls on a bridge

And a house made of candy was good too. 

Next, we decided to tackle play-dough.  It was made of 1 cup flour, 1 cup water, 1/2 cup salt and 1 tablespoon oil.

We mixed it over a low flame until it wasn't sticky.  Took a few batches to figure that out. 


It's sticky, cook it more

Do you feel like Breaking Bad a little bit 
right now?

I never watched it, but it's on Netflix now.  
Why, do they cook play-dough on it?

No, goddammit, you need to watch it!  They cook 
drugs, I can't make these jokes around you if you 
don't get them!

Ok so I'll watch that next.  Cook it more, 
make it work.

Ok Tim Gunn.

We ended up making 3 colors because it was fun. 

And we tasted it too because we remembered eating it as kids.  And it was salty and not good, but strangely reminiscent of the 70's.

It's what the 70's tastes like.

Salty and not good?

It's the decade of our birth!  What can we do?

Tricia mostly fashioned the play-dough into objects resembling a frog and hot dog, cuz she's artistic.  Siana made a ball.  And then Tricia made it into a lollipop. Or a balloon, depending on how you look at it.

Finally, we made our way to TP incognito.  We wore scarves over our faces to mask our identity.  But you can totally tell it's us.

Damn it, there's someone parked outside your 
neighbors house, will they report us?

No, it's my house. 

We toilet paper with abandon.  And by abandon we mean with one roll, geez we're not going to waste valuable toilet paper.

Yeah, cuz I ran out recently and let me just tell 
you that using Kleenex is not the same.

Throw it over there. And pose so I can take a 
picture of you.

Like this?

Yeah, stand like that again.  Wait you don't have 
to do a jig to get in that position?

I don't.  Oh yeah I guess I don't,  I didn't know 
that.  I just learned something.

Jazz hands with a jaunty kicked out foot can be 
done with minimal effort.

We demonstrate to each other how actually doing a jig or not doing a jig makes a difference.  We do this for perhaps too long.  We are now hysterical.

We should practice karaoke before my birthday, 
here let's practice on my phone.

Tricia looks up random songs on her phone and we try to sing them.  Siana is terrified, even with just us by ourselves at home.  With just the dog listening.

We better find an easy song.

We will. 

Next week - do we find that easy song?  Do our karaoke dreams come true like our play-dough, mini-golf, TP dreams came true?  Tune in campers.

Buckets and Bullets - Bench Bucket Hit List

Moving on down our Bench Bucket Hit List, we did something we've been meaning to do for years. We went to Zig's and had the bullet, it was life changing. Zig's is super close to where we both live and we're not sure why we haven't been here a million times.

The bullet is basically a hamburger on a baguette with ortega chiles, cheese, onions and a special sauce.  Here are two angles of the burger to show it's amazingness


Thank goodness we split it. You never want to share 

with me but you had to.


Yeah, cuz I wanted to order chili fries and onion rings. 

And we did.  And we ate most of it.  The chili fries were a bit much, but the onion rings were awesome, deliciously crunchy.

We decided we need to come back to Zig's for all our meals.  Our waitress agreed.


You should come here for breakfast, people say it's 

better than IHOP and half the price.

We agreed.  The Waitress seems really invested in our happiness.


It's taco Tuesday, and you can come back every week and 

try different tacos.


Yeah, sounds great!

We know next time to order more of the fried things and less of the fries.  Like there's a combo with onion rings, fried zucchini and fried mushrooms.  That's our future.

Now that we're full, it's time to head to our other destiny, The Copper Bucket.

First we have to decide how to get in.  It's in the same shopping center as Zig's, but the back door has a lot of people hanging out and we feel nervous like, the clientele are, how should we say….


Riff raff.  


Yeah, I was trying to be polite.

We decide to take a long walk around the front to a weird unmarked door. We walk in and there are lots of men.


But it's not a gay bar.


That would've been more our vibe.


And somehow we may be considered cute here.


Not sure if that's a compliment.  Wait, isn't it Tuesday?  

Why are there so many people here?


It's very lively.


I thought it was going to be like us and a few old guys 

with a crusty bartender.


Instead, it's like happening, man.


Shhh - don't give away our age!

We order two vodka drinks.  But we forget to say what kind of vodka, so they kind of suck.  But they only cost $3 so we drink them anyway. 

Then we decide to play with Tricia's new glasses, and realize that we look even more like twins now that Tricia has glasses.  Like that thing where people say we look alike, see this blog.

Time for another drink, this time with Grey Goose vodka.


These are better.


And they were cheap too! This is definitely not a gay bar.

Drinks are so expensive in West Hollywood.


We sound like old ladies.  Thank goodness no one can hear 

us due to the loud rap music.  


And randomly country music too.


But the crockpots and random scarecrow behind you make 

me feel at home.

Siana leans her head against the bar next to her. 


Don't lean your head against the bar, there's cheese on it.

Tricia's new glasses really work! 


We're like a weird Tina Fey club. In a bar with Eminem.  


You have M&M's?


There may be some on the bar.

It might be time for us to go home.  It is Tuesday night after all.  Also we feel like we need to leave before something happens.  This is starting to feel like a bar where people fight.  The few girls that are here look like they might get in a fight.  We're just too old for that! As we run out the front door we see a painting of a boat and wonder if it is indeed the original Copper Bucket?

We see the riff raff behind the bar next to the parking lot, consider hanging out one last time...


Quick, get in my minivan!



Guess we aren't that tough anymore.  But we'll always have the memory of these cheap vodka drinks. And the potential fights that were about to break out.  And the crockpot.

A Chef and Some Cheese - Bench Bucket Hit List

We fulfilled all our dreams.  We got cheese and everyone was nice to us.  And there was a lot of bread.

We're at the Swiss Chef Restaurant and it's the best.  The chef walks around, is friendly and treats us like we're cute girls and that's a plus cuz that doesn't happen as much as it used to when we were 20. People kept trying to take our order which is nice, they are attentive.

We want to start with the liver pate and
giant bavarian pretzel.

And can we also get a side of bread?

The waiters brought us a bottle of wine with a cute cozy,

liver pate (which we both randomly love and are convinced that's why we are friends)

and a huge bavarian pretzel.

We try to dig into the pretzel right away, but it's steaming hot.  We wait, and assess the decor of the restaurant.

I'm impressed with their use of streamers. 

Do they change them out and do different

Do they get dusty?

We don't know.  We don't care.  The pretzel cooled off and we are busy devouring it. It was worth the wait. The Swiss Chef comes out to greet us and seems impressed we ordered Fondue for Two (it's really called that on the menu).  He brings us our fondue because we are special. 

The chef tells us that if a man loses a piece of bread in the cheese, he has to buy the chef some wine.  But if a girl loses the bread, she has to kiss the chef.  He seems excited at the thought that we will lose our bread.  See - we are cute here!

There are mushrooms, tomatoes and cornichons to dip in the bread. Tricia tries the cornichon.

I think I'll stick with the bread and mushrooms. 
And the tomato is surprisingly good.

Oh my god, the chef now has an accordion!

We now all sing happy birthday to a nearby birthday celebrater.

I want to come here all the time.  
Everything is fun here.

We can't even express how excited we are to have fulfilled an item from our Bench Bucket Hit List at this restaurant. We not only got fondue, we got it with respect.  And celebration.  And streamers.  And a big pretzel.  And an accordion. Dreams do come true folks, you just have to believe.

Corn Maze - Bench Bucket Hit List

Another item on our Bench Bucket Hit List, the corn maze.

A scary corn maze to be exact. And we went. And we loved it.  Mostly.

First we went kinda late.

Actually first we made some drinks.

The drink of choice was a sippy cup filled with rum and a lime refresher drink. 

Quick chug it in the car before we go in.


We're pretending we're 20 and in college. It kinda works for a minute until we stand in line for the corn maze and the sign says it closes at 7pm and it's now 9:30.


False alarm, it's still open.

We then go to the line in front of the big corn maze and it's not scary it's just long and a maze and corn. We ask the bored girl working there what we should do.

How long does it take to go through the maze?

It takes like 45 minutes, and that's during
the day when you can see.

What about the scary maze where people yell
at you and jump out at you?

10 minutes

Done. So we opt for the scary line that is short and easy and takes like 10 minutes. There's also a scary creature that moves above the entrance.


We know it's going to be a bunch of dressed up kids walking way too close to us, however the sound of screaming along with a chainsaw made it seem a tad scary.

Once inside the maze lots of people jumped out at us. One guy followed us and said

Pay me with your soul

We gave at the office

We laugh a lot at Siana's hilarious humor.  The guy just keeps walking very close, like so close you could feel his breath on your back.  A little scary for other reasons. 

We walk on.  We know (from hearing it while in line) eventually we will be chased with a chainsaw.  But even though we know it's coming we start to get nervous with anticipation.  That means we link arms and laugh hysterically at every kid that jumps out at us.  Finally we pass two guys sitting down and Tricia sees something on the ground next to them and screams


We ran as fast as our 39 year old bodies could run out of a convoluted corn maze.  We beat the scary chainsaw guy out of the maze, and even he looked slightly impressed as he laughed at us (evil laughter of course) with his chainsaw.

We rewarded our bravery by posing in a corny cut out thing.

Corny?   Really?

Yes.  See below.

So we've been thinking about the bowling item on the list.  We may change that one to a fancy dinner.  We don't have many fancy dinners anymore.

Anymore?  When did we ever?


So fancy dinner may trump bowling.  More to come.

Bench Bucket Hit List

Bucket Hit List?  Sounds like a list of 
people we are going to take out!

Don't start the blog with dialogue, we need 
to explain what this is first!

We are sitting at the wine bar at Whole Foods. We love a place where we can buy a bag of baby carrots AND also drink a glass of wine. Or two.

It's time to address our birthdays, which tend to come every year. We wanted to say something like "this is 40" but that's a movie by Judd Apatow.

So we'll just say we're turning 40 soon. In December. Tricia's first.

Shut up

What can I do Tricia you were born 20 days 
before me?

So we have to come up with a list of 10 things we HAVE TO DO before we turn 40. Which means before December 8.

We only have 6 weeks!

It's like finals, but maybe more fun.

Losers will be shot (see blog about things 
we quote from ourselves and our secret language)

I already came up with two things. You have 
catching up to do.

I can do it.

I thought of my ideas at the liquor store while 
buying sandwiches for our husbands while they 
were fixing your plumbing...

I am thinking of my ideas now.

We drink more wine, as we have now purchased the entire bottle rather than wasting money on the per glass charge. The bartender recommended this. She could tell we could handle an entire bottle.


1.  Go to the Copper Bucket - a sketchy dive bar near where we live
2.  Eat "The Bullet" at Zig's - a little burger stand near the Copper Bucket
3.  Go miniature golfing at Castle Park in Sherman Oaks

I thought of that one because I used to work 
at a mini golf park in high school, called 
Castle Park, in Corona.

OK, but you need to add more ideas.

4.  Visit the Wine Bar at Whole Foods in Van Nuys more often, especially when they break out the free bread and cheese dips, it looks kind of pathetic, but we got excited about it.

What's more pathetic is we discovered they were not cheese but rather chicken spreads of some sort. We still ate them. Siana was hoping for Gouda spread. She was mistaken.

Cool so we're already done with number 4. 
We should make a plan to come to the wine 
bar together once a month.

But then that's like 12 times a year.

So we either go once a month or 12 times 
in one month.

5. Go bowling, there's a bowling alley on Vanowen somewhere.

6. Make our own play dough - apparently our mother's made it from scratch, we are going to do it.

7. Corn Maze - we need to go at night, it's scary Siana's never been to one, Tricia has but not at night.

It looks like the people working here at this wine bar 
are having fun - I want to have that kind of fun.

They're all hugging each other and laughing, 
it's like in slow motion. That's how fun it is.

We need three more things Tricia!

How about toilet papering someone's house?

But whose house?

Yours, cuz you have trees in the front.  
And we won't get arrested.

8. TP Siana's house


I know!



9. Find fondue and not get shunned by a mean French waitress

Remember when we went to a place where they 
wouldn't give us cheese, we always want 
cheese, even tonight we wanted cheese and had 
to settle for something else.

I want cheese!

10. Go dancing or karaoke - we can't remember the last time we went dancing together. Maybe we'll hit our old college hangout, the Yucatan. Or as we used to call it the Puke-a-tan.

The Yucatan is closed. We need to find the 
Yucatan equivalent. The Yucatan adjacent.

Ok, we have to find a place to go dance or karaoke. That's our quest. And a cab ride involved. We'll need to take shots, that's number 10.5.

No one is allowed to come with us for number 
10 - only you get to see me sing - that's the rule!  

We can sing a song together, humiliation is easier 
when you share it with a friend. 

Time to get all this on our calendars so we can hit our list before 40 hits us!

We did it and thanks!

Another year of a successful MS Walk and we want to thank everyone that contributed!  And don't worry, if you didn't get a chance to contribute, you still can, click here to donate now!

We'd like to say a special thanks to Edgar Aguirre for helping direct his fundraising efforts to the Bench as well, which helped us raise a grand total of: $1,240!  To date Team Andrea has raised $15,405 to stick it to MS, way to go team!  

        Wouldn't it be cool if we could get that team 
        number up to $16,000?

        Yes, I prefer a round number to finish this whole 
        thing off!

While you consider making that donation to help us reach that goal, check out a few photos from our great day at the MS Walk.

Here we are with the awesome Andrea

And here are the mini walkers that joined us on the walk

And on the Bench

And our fundraising efforts got us into a cool VIP tent where we had access to extra snacks, thanks everyone!

Thanks again everyone for all the support and if didn't get a chance to contribute to the fabulous Team Andrea,
click here to donate.  

MS Walk - The Sequel

If you missed it last year, you're in luck because we're doing the MS Walk again this year!  Our fierce friend Andrea is going to beat this disease and we want to do our part to help support MS research and treatment.  And that's where you come in! 

        We want you!

        It feels good to be wanted.

We want you to donate!  Donating is easy, just
click here!  

Here we are at last year's MS Walk with said friend Andrea.

When you donate to the MS Walk you will feel better, look better and people will like you more.  At least we'll like you more!  And like we said, it's to support a great friend of ours who has just about the best attitude in the world about her diagnosis and also she loves orange, so now you really have to donate! To find out more about our awesome friend, check out our previous blog about TEAM ANDREA!

        If everyone that followed us on Twitter donated 
        that would be a lot of moolah! 

        Please don't say "moolah".

        Why? It sounds more fun than saying money.

        If everyone donates today Tricia will stop 
        saying "moolah" please donate now. Immediately.

But seriously, please donate today.  And thank you in advance from The Bench!

Sometimes My Bad Idea Gives You a Good Idea

We're working on our play again, finally.

We should have the character say "you are my 
density" get it? Instead of "destiny?" Like 
in Back to the Future?

Yeah, I get it.  No. We're not doing that. 

Come on, everybody knows that reference. 
It's not an age thing.

Yes it is. That's an old movie. Anybody not 
born in Generation X won't get it.

Fine. I still think it's funny.

But how about we start the scene with the 
character saying "Destiny? I don't know 
if I believe in destiny." or something like 

I guess, whatever, that's fine. Well at least 
my bad idea gave you a good idea.

This happens to us a lot.  One of us gets all excited about a bad idea and the other one says "no" and then a good idea usually comes out of it. And if that doesn't happen we eat and drink.

When we get stuck we eat.  On this particular day Siana made mini frittatas.  Siana is obsessed with brunch and Tricia likes to take Toddler Leesey tiny foods so they can call them baby-blank - like "baby beans" (lentils) "baby eggs" (mini frittata) etc. We also threw in coffee and a mimosa, we do not give these to Toddler Leesey.

To keep track of what is going on in our crazy play we make charts and graphs which is weird because we're not really scientific gals, but it sure looks like it if you look at our working documents.

We're making progress though and that's a good thing.

I don't know why it's taking so long, but 
that monologue we just wrote was awesome.

I know, I kinda love this play.

Me too. Even without the "density" line.

We cheers to our success and look forward to our next meeting.  Until then, do us a favor and support us in the MS Walk! Donate today!

Secret Language on the Bench

You know how twins have a secret language?  We have that.  In our time, a few people have said that we have a sort of short hand when we talk.  It often leaves other people in the dark when they're in a conversation with both of us. 

It's just all the shows we've written and 
the jokes we have and the books we've read 
and the people we know and the clothes we 
wear and the movies we've seen.  

From 20 years.

For example, to reference When Harry Met Sally, all we have to say is:

"Baby Fishmouth" or "Mr. Zero knew" or "Pecan Pie" or the more obscure "the woman saved everything"

Sometimes that's all we need to sum up a feeling of what we're trying to convey.  We don't even realize we're doing it because it's how we talk to each other.

Like if I say "Show Time" you know what I 

You're referring to the scene in All that 
Jazz where he pops pills, puts eye drops in 
and looks at himself in the mirror and says 
"show time!"

It demonstrates that feeling you have when 
you're exhausted and you still have to put 
on a show, could be a kids birthday party or 
meeting at work or you've been up all night 
and have to be nice the next day."Show time!"

We also have an incredible catalog of lines from our own plays, screenplays, travel adventures and songs we've written.  Here are some classic hits:

  • Good job 531 - we say this whenever anything good happens to congratulate each other, this was a line from a show we wrote where we named a character after his social security number.  Here's how we use it:
I just got a new refrigerator for free after 
haggling with customer service for weeks.

Good job 531!

  • Son iguales - this comes from a long bus trip we took in Mexico where we got a free box lunch. Two kids were sitting in front of us and went through each item in their lunch box.  Every time something was the same they kind of sang "son iguales" which means they are the same or equal.  Here's how we use it:
My week was really hard at work, and so was 
yours, it sucked.

Son iguales! We both deserve wine. The kids 
on the bus didn't have wine though...

  • We're not old - this is a line from a Blues Song Tricia wrote when we were sophomores in college about a coffee shop we used to go to called Lose the Blues. Here's how we use it:
Don't get depressed about your birthday this 

I know.  "We're not old" (singing)

We could go on and on and on, but we'll stop there.  Be sure to sign up for a Bench Decoder ring.  There's not really a ring, but if you donate to the MS Walk, we'll send you more Bench Secret Language. You know you want it, donate today!

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